Can’t Sleep? You’re Not Alone

by Martha I. Finney

My college roommate and I have known each other for over three decades – which is an astounding fact because neither of us has aged one minute. And we pretty much have nothing in common. Except for two things: We love to tell each other amazing stories about other people’s bad behavior (especially around customer service; but I’m good for any kind of outrage). The other thing is this: neither of us can sleep through the night.  In fact, I’m writing this at 2:44 a.m.  And I’d bet you dollars to Ambien that she’s awake right this very minute as well. I should call her.

This isn’t some funky old-age thing. We’re still young.  And we’ve been trading tips and tricks for getting back to sleep for at least 25 years.  I can’t speak for her (I want to keep our friendship intact) but, as for me, I’ve decided to give up.  Which is relatively easy for me to do because I’m self-employed.  And, since you’re here on this website, chances are pretty good that your hours are your own as well. At least for the time being.

The big trouble for you is that as essential as sleep is to mental health, if you’re between jobs right now, you need your sleep more than ever.  But, still, if you can’t sleep, you can’t sleep. No point in making yourself nuts over it.

Is there any comfort in knowing that you’re not alone?  Evidently 60 million American adults are awake right this very minute.  (Say…no never mind, bad idea – which is what tends to happen when you don’t get enough sleep)  Magazines, websites and newspapers are replete with suggestions on how to achieve a full night’s sleep – which is about as elusive as that other bedtime function.  And I’m beginning to think that if we were truly meant to sleep through the night,  it shouldn’t be so darn difficult.  I remember reading several years ago an article in the NY Times Magazine that invited me to consider when in human history people had the luxury of being able to check out from consciousness for 8 hours straight. Certainly not Early Man.  Or even people who lived one floor above their livestock.  I’m thinking that 8 hours straight on a consistent, daily basis just isn’t natural. This ideal of 8 hours straight could just be another bedroom-related myth designed to make us all feel inadequate and too embarrassed to compare notes with anyone other than our closest friends.

Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

As far as I’m concerned, the worst part about being awake at this time is that I’m alone with my thoughts. And in the dark.  Which can be very creepy.  This is a time when the brain wants to go into self-flagellation and regret mode.  And this is precisely the time when you don’t want to go there.  So ultimately it’s not that you have this time on your hands that’s the problem. It’s what you do with it.

I’ll leave the suggestions and prescriptions aimed for achieving a full 8 hours up to the physicians.  But what has come to interest me (at least it’s interesting at, let’s see now, 3:04) is how I use this time when I’m vertical (or at right-angle, since I’m sitting up in bed writing this). Here are some thoughts, which I’ve broken down in time increments.

Minute 0 – Minute 10: This is when you’re emerging from sleep, and your brain is already in full “let’s find the one thing to worry about the most and go for it” mode by the time you’re aware of what’s happening. I have found over the years that immediately overriding that tape with intentional, comforting self-talk works wonders.  It probably won’t help you get back to sleep, in fact it’s hard work reversing the tide of self-accusing mumbo jumbo.  So you may  be more alert than ever. But at least you’re seizing control of your mind before it starts reminding you of all sorts of regrettable things.

Minute 11 – Minute 45: If you really want to get back to sleep, this is what works for me: a music player (MP3 is always good, but an $8 CD player is just fine) and a pair of silicone-tipped earbuds (this is where you might want to spend a little bit of  money – the earbuds that come free with the players are always too painful to wear with head on pillow).  Have the player cued up to soothing and/or distracting programming.  Subliminal tapes focused on relaxation under the sounds of rain and Tibetan bells is good. Positive sermons is one of my favorite approaches, which you can get as podcasts.  You can also get via podcast NPR’s Fresh Air, which, when the topic is pleasant and interesting lulls me back to sleep. I was delighted to discover that Judd Apatow also falls asleep that way. How do I know? While listening to Terry Gross interview him on Fresh Air as I was falling back to sleep one night.

Minute 46 – Minute 120: Face it, you’re up.  So consider this found time.  And welcome it as such. It will keep you from straining to the goal of getting back to sleep – always counterproductive, but I don’t need to tell you that.  This is time to read – again something pleasant. A book or a magazine that you wouldn’t give yourself time to sit down and enjoy during the day when life’s demands are swirling around you. Take a long hot bath, bringing your music player with you, securely protected in a sealed, plastic bag, of course.  Be careful not to drop the earbuds in the water, though. That’s a wrecked investment that would ruin your whole day.  If you start to lose consciousness and begin to feel the water burbling up to your lips and nose, get out and go to bed.

Have a box or basket of magazines and newspaper clippings that you have designated specifically for this time of day, uhm, night. Again, pleasant stuff that you have collected and reserved for these hours to indulge in. The Law of Attraction people recommend that you have a box reserved specifically for images that you know will make you feel at least one notch better than your current frame of mind.  As far as I’m concerned, the jury’s still out on Law of Attraction and vibrations – way out – but I love this idea of this box of feel-better mind infusions.  So I have one. A special, handmade box of koa wood that I commissioned in Hawaii during flush years.  It sits on my coffee table ready to be opened every time my brain wants to demand from me answers to the question: “What the hell?”

Minute 121 – Daybreak: Well, there you are. Might as well get dressed.  Or not. Who’s to care or see?  But even so, how you handle the way you think about these hours will determine your frame of mind for the rest of the day. And you need to be in tip-top shape, especially if you have job interviews lined up.  If you feel like getting active, yoga is a good choice. Dusting the furniture is soothing.  A friend of mine loves to iron during this time – it’s that smell of baking cotton, I think.  One morning I found myself cleaning out the fridge.  Just sorting and throwing way – no rigorous scrubbing.  This had the added advantage of my realizing how much I really had (that wasn’t expired), and now I can actually see it. Very zen.

Hour 7:  Take a nap.  Not a long one, if you can help it. Just 30 minutes is amazingly refreshing. And you want to keep your rhythms relatively 9-to-5 friendly, especially  if you aspire to go back to a full-time job one of these days.  Still, if your time is your own right now, why not seize the moment and conk out for a while?

Whatever you do…don’t brew your first jolt of coffee right away. Or send impassioned emails to people who won’t get that you might not entirely be yourself at 2:20 in the morning. Stay away from computers, especially calculators because you’ll probably be mostly subtracting, and that will totally blow this peace of mind thing I want you to have going right now. And, of course, keep the TV off. At this hour of the night, it’s all about previously taped cable news, ridiculous exercise equipment and mega-disasters involving super-volcanoes. You don’t need that in the dark.

Well, it’s now 3:52.  If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll turn out the light.

Tags: Ambien, insomnia, job interviews, sleep disorders

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 15th, 2009 at 2:59 am and is filed under Blog, self-help. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.